Relationship Rehab: “Marathon Sessions”

One of the major pitfalls of traditional "weekly" relationship therapy is that, just when couples are really "getting into it" with a psychologist, the session time is up, and they need to adjourn for another week... But not enough work has been done to be really effective, and the couple leaves feeling somewhat uncontained and directionless, with layers of awkwardness hanging thick in the air. This is not only immensely frustrating, but potentially even counter-productive.

A second pitfall is the rushed, chaotic nature of modern living, which seldom allows for a real concerted effort to be made to heal and mend relationship connections. Gains made in a weekly meeting with a psychologist may be somewhat diluted and lost in the frenetic pace of board meetings, deadlines, infants, parent-teacher meetings and the Johannesburg reality of being "tired-all-the-time". Moreover, because of this frenetic pace, even 'weekly meetings' sometimes, in reality, become fortnightly or even monthly, and this will leave the couple with the sense that they are 'going nowhere slowly'. 

In my experience, this often leads to the unnecessary conclusion that a couple “just can’t anymore”, and the sentiment that a divorce may simply be a relief, and an antidote to the tension that is never quite eradicated, despite the best of efforts.

It is for this very reason that I developed an alternative option for couples who relate to this. While I do conduct orthodox, standard 50-minute per week sessions, for couples needing a more intensive intervention, I have what I call "marathon sessions". Marathon sessions are 3-hour appointments, during which we are able to cover a lot of ground, and usually achieve a great deal of clarity in terms of what the core concerns are, and how to address them going forward. They are as much for couples in crisis as they are for couples with significant scheduling issues.

Some couples find that just one marathon puts them on the right track, and they leave feeling that much has been resolved and the way forward is clearer. Others require further intervention, sometimes in the form of another marathon, but, more often, with a series of shorter sessions, once much has been accomplished in the initial time. 

My objective as a relationship therapist is always to make both parties feel that their individual concerns and experiences are important, and have been heard, whilst, at the same time, trying to create a space in each of them to connect with their partner's views and concerns in a way that they probably haven't done, to date. This, I believe, is the beginning and the heart of meaningful and effective communication, that can change lives.